The purpose
of setting goals is to create success, whether small or large. When done effectively, goal setting is a beneficial tool that increases your motivation, gives you direction, moves you forward, and provides positive reinforcement. When goals are set ineffectively, they can decrease your motivation, create anxiety, lower your self-esteem and result in failure. If the latter has been your experience, you may be making these common goal setting mistakes.
1. Your goal is not meaningful enough to you.
Forcing yourself to pursue a goal that is not meaningful enough to you is an exercise that requires a tremendous amount of willpower. Luckily willpower is a resource that most of us have, but to varying degrees. Even if you pride yourself on the strength of your will, you may be surprised to learn that researchers in psychology have found willpower to be a limited resource. Numerous studies have supported the existence of willpower depletion, with evidence that repeatedly exerting your self-control is a significant factor in reducing your capacity for willpower. So if you expend a lot of your self-control and willpower in pursuing tasks and goals that are not meaningful, you are bound to reach a point of exhaustion and motivation deflation.
2. You have set a “should goal.”
Many people fall into the trap of setting what I refer to as “should goals.” You set goals that you believe you should achieve. “I should eat healthy food.” “I should quit smoking.” “I should save more money.” “I should fix up the house.” When you apply the word “should” to any goal or task, you instantly create a state of internal resistance. It’s the same phenomenon you experienced as a child when you were told by a parent that you should do your homework, or you should clean your room. It works in reverse too. “I shouldn’t spend so much time on the computer.” “I shouldn’t eat so much junk food.” “I shouldn’t work so much.” Psychologists consider “should” a dirty word because of the power it has to undermine you. Also beware of should’s in disguise – sometimes they hide behind have-to’s, need-to’s, and supposed-to’s. They can come from what others want us to do, or perhaps more often they come from what we perceive that others want us to do.
3. You do not believe in your ability to achieve your goal.
Whether you are lacking in self-confidence or you have set a goal that is likely unrealistic for you, the effect is the same. You will find yourself faltering, lacking in motivation, perhaps even sabotaging your efforts. In order to find that amazing state of being where you are internally motivated and taking steps to move toward your goal, you must believe that you can achieve it. You must have the expectation that the work you are putting in has a reasonable likelihood of leading you to your goal. While we certainly don’t have control over all factors that contribute to goal attainment, there needs to be a sense of belief in your ability to meet the demands of pursuing your goal.
4. You have set an outcome goal that is largely out of your control.
Outcome goals refer to results that are reliant upon external, culturally derived measures of performance that often involve competition and comparisons with other people – money, winning, being selected, being recognized. While outcome goals in and of themselves are not bad, and they certainly have their place, the obvious drawback is that most of what determines outcome goals is out of your control. In other words, outcome goals are risky. They tend to have higher probabilities of failure. The amount of effort that you put in may not be proportional to the likelihood of achieving your goal. The other drawback is that if you perceive that you have little or no control over the outcome, you may experience reduced motivation and/or anxiety, which will only make your path more difficult.
5. You are not yet ready to take action toward your goal.
You set your goal with good intentions. You want to improve, achieve, move forward, progress . . . but the fact is that you may not be ready to take action toward that particular goal. There are a multitude of ways that people can move forward, and a great many of those ways do NOT involve observable actions. Whether or not you are aware of it, there is often a lot of internal work to be done to prepare yourself to take action. Sometimes there is work to be done in seemingly unrelated areas. For example, if your goal is to go back to school and earn a college degree, you may first need to improve your self-esteem so you believe that you deserve to earn a college degree. If you jump ahead and expect yourself to start applying to schools, you may be setting yourself up to fail – not because you cannot achieve your goal, but because you are forcing yourself to take an action before you are ready.
Failure is information. If you have set a goal for yourself that you’ve failed to achieve, it’s time to learn from the information that is being offered. Goals are meant to be modified when they are not effectively moving you forward. See my post on how to set effective goals.
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