Striving for what you want has significant benefits over avoiding what you dread.
To make choices based on fear creates a state of motivation that inhibits growth. It is tantamount to living your life looking over your shoulder, running away from something unpleasant or even terrifying. Your motivation is to stay one step ahead, to do just enough to avoid what you fear. Anxiety would tend to be your dominant feeling as you worry about what you dread might happen. If you successfully manage to elude the undesired outcome, the best you can hope to feel is relief. If you are unsuccessful, your fears will only be reinforced and you will find it difficult to pick yourself back up. This way of thinking and behaving is uninspiring and it robs you of joy. It could also limit you in some very tangible ways.
Why apply for a job if you might not get it? May as well stay at the job you have, even though you hate it. Why try something new if you might not be good at it? There will always be others who can do it better so just leave it to them. Why get to know someone if they might not like you? Better to reject them first.
If your primary motivation is to avoid threat, you are unlikely to take the risks that are necessary to grow. You are unlikely to recognize opportunities, much less to take them.
To make choices based on striving creates a state of motivation that promotes growth. Instead of running away, you are running toward. Instead of looking backward, you are looking forward. You will feel excited during the process, which makes putting in the work more enjoyable. It’s easier to delay instant gratification because you are fueled by the possibility of attaining a longer-term goal. If you reach your desired outcome, you will feel triumphant instead of merely relieved. And here’s the genius of this approach – regardless of whether or not you get exactly what you want, you will make some sort of progress. Even in failure, there is something to be learned if only you look for it.
Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something. – Morihei Ueshiba
Striving for what you want creates positive motivation, passion and resilience, as well as a willingness to take necessary risks. Next time you find yourself faced with a decision, challenge yourself to move toward, instead of away, and see how it feels. Allow yourself to want something while being willing to risk not getting it. Free yourself from the confines of fear and avoidance and open yourself to growth and possibility.